Almost nine weeks. Is it really only 9 weeks? It seems so much more. More pain, more tears, more than I can endure. Everything is awful. Everything is pointless. If it wasn't for the little dogs I'd never get up in the mornings. I can't imagine going through any sort of life without you. The thought of surviving without you is frightening, the thought of never seeing you again is unbelievable and the thought of sleeping and then waking to find your not there again is constant. I know I'll never be the same again and I'm still so angry and cannot bear being here without you my darling funny clever man.